Scumbags
by SlamShady
Summary: Xanxus is sick! And the Varia are looking after him.   Slight XS, Mammon & Fran are both present  don't ask why, I love them both . Slight swearing


'Boss! Boss! Say something please!'

'...shishishi, boss looks so vulnerable now!'

'I'll bring you our best tequila if you need one...but only if you pay me.'

'Don't be stupid Mammon...shishi, he's sick: he might die if he drinks.'

'VVOOOOIII! Shut up idiots!' Squalo yelled at the group which immediately fell silent. He turned his attention back to Xanxus who was lying on the bed beside them, eyes closed.

'How are you feeling boss?'' the shark asked.  
>The group crowded around the bed all staring intently at his face, evidently waiting for a response.<p>

Levi looked like he was about to faint, Squalo's expression was attentive, Mammon and Fran's faces were blank but tense. Even Bel's usual toothy grin was absent as he watched his boss with anticipation.

Xanxus opened his eyes weakly to meet face to face with all his subordinates. His natural instinct in this kind of situation was to pull out his guns and shoot them dead but despite having his guns tucked neatly in his belt, his body refused to move. Perhaps it was the intensity of his glare, his men as if they had read his mind, backed away slightly but enough so that fresh air was available.

His mind seemed to be slow at processing the words which Squalo had uttered. Something about 'feelings'. _Well what about feelings? Why couldn't that shark make himself clearer...hang on. I think it's making sense now... How are you feeling. Huh so that's what he asked, but why are they all staring?_

He made an effort to answer the question that was asked but was too tired to find the words to describe it. _Damn these idiots for making me use my brain at a time like this_. Slowly and quietly, he replied.

'Shit.'

One small word, but it made a huge impact on the audience which it was addressed to. Levi almost burst into tears when hearing this.

'Ah no, boss is feeling like shit.' Said Fran with an apathetic voice.

'Boss what is it? Are you hungry? What's wrong with you? Please answer me!' Levi pleaded.

But Xanxus closed his eyes once more and couldn't find the energy to speak. _What's wrong with these idiots, he thought, I'm sick, why are they all looking after me? Hell this is the Varia, they should be cutting me up into pieces and feeding me to who-knows-what, not crowding around my bed like losers, hoping I'd get better._

'Ushishi, maybe I should slice him open so we can see what's wrong with him.' Said Bel with a wide grin and holding a shiny knife.

'Aaah, Sempai just wants an excuse to kill boss. Sneaky,' remarked Fran in his usual monotonous tone.

The knife Bel was holding made its place on Fran's head.

'VOI, stop talking so loud!' Roared Squalo, 'boss is trying to sleep.' _Voi this is bad_, he thought, i_f we piss him off now, I'm the one who'll be punished later_. _We must make sure this shitty boss is completely okay_...or the easy way, he contemplated, was to slice his head off while he's currently vulnerable and pretend it was an accident. But for some reason, and the thought really bothered Squalo beyond anything, he didn't want the boss to die. That's right, he wanted the bastard alive despite all the insults and head injuries, he wanted to be his loyal second in command and sometimes he even considered if he liked the boss. Squalo quickly brushed those thoughts away.

'VOI! By the way, where's the idiot Lussuria?' He asked, giving himself something else to think about.

'Cooking steak for the boss.' Replied Mammon. 'Please don't call him here,' he added. Everyone looked at Xanxus who still had his eyes closed, ignoring the remark about food which has never failed to get his attention prior to this.

'VVOII!' Squalo yelled in alarm, annoyed at the lack of response. 'Shitty boss! Aren't you hungry? Stop being so damn quiet! You're making us all worry, lying there like a weakling! It's no wonder you lost to Sawada Tsunayoshi!'

_Heh, this is bound to get a reply_, thought Squalo, _even though I might die later_. The rest of the Varia were staring at him with disbelief, the name of the Vongola Decimo was never mentioned in the presence of Xanxus, that is if the person did not want to die a painful death.

However, Xanxus gave a small sigh, nothing more and continued to lie there with his eyes closed.

This shocked Squalo beyond belief. He could only assume that his boss was sick to the point where vocal insults weren't enough, that is, devastatingly sick.

'Hey long-haired commander,' Fran said looking troubled, 'we understand if you're wrong in the head and want to die, but in case you haven't noticed, we're perfectly fine and don't want to see a pissed boss.'

Upon hearing this, a thin blood vessel on Squalo's forehead popped, sending him into uncontrolled rage. _This is it_, he thought, _I'll force the stupid boss to say something, I don't care if he's sick or if he'll kill me later. This suspense is killing me_.

"**VOOOOOI**'' He roared in rage. He grabbed the Xanxus' neck and pulled him upward into a sitting position, blanket falling onto the floor. '**SAY SOMETHING**,' he shouted in his face. Ignoring the cries of surprise from his teammates, he brought his other free hand to his boss' face with a resounding _SLAP_.

Perhaps it was the loudness of the slap that brought Squalo back to his senses, or maybe it was seeing his boss shirtless. Xanxus, opening his eyes at last gave a small '_trash_' and leaned back on the wall glaring at the astounded shark.

'BOSS!~' Levi made a move to hug his beloved boss but was punched by Squalo instead (_nobody touches his Xanxus_, he thought privately).

'Tch, finally said something you stupid shithead.' Said Squalo, quickly regaining his composure. **_SHIT SHIT SHIT_**, he thought desperately, now he was definitely doing to die (and painfully). He eyed the guns that were tucked in his boss' belts, ready to be pulled out at any moment, the first target probably going to be himself and then probably the rest in the room. He sat there furiously thinking of actions to take before being mercilessly slaughtered by his boss, _beg for mercy_? Nah, if that worked, he wouldn't have to be spending so much time looking for new Varia recruits. He could only sit there helplessly.

'Shishi, commander Squalo wants you to kill him, boss.' Laughed Bel.

'Shut up!' he snapped. But he hated to admit that Bel was right, he might as well have jumped off a building, that way would even be less painful. And not only that, he's probably doomed the rest of them too: the wrath of Xanxus didn't care for the innocent.

'Fucking scumbags...' started Xanxus.

_Here it comes_, thought Squalo and the others.

'...why are you all here?' he finished.

It took a while to register what he said as they were all prepared for some sudden outbreak involving an extremely angry Xanxus directed at the shark. Squalo was the first to recover.

'VOI, are you stupid? Obviously we're looking after you' (If he was going to die, at least he will make his stay monumented, _maybe he'll remember my insults_).

'I'll do whatever you want, my dearest boss (as long as you praise me). I'll always look after you...' Levi knelt down and kissed his hand.

'Boss, I think he likes you...(_just don't kill me_)' said Fran, eying Levi interestedly.

Now that they realized Xanxus wasn't as angry as they thought he'd be, the atmosphere naturally became lighter.

'Boss, are you tired? I'll create illusions of your wildest fantasies if you want me to, I'll even do it for free,' said Mammon, taking his usual seat on Bel's shoulder. 'Just tell me what's on your mind.'

'Hmmm I wonder what boss-san dreams of,' said Fran, 'probably drinks and Squalo.'

'VOII! Stop talking nonsense!' Shouted a blushing Squalo, determined not to meet his boss' eye.

'Ushishishi is our long haired commander blushing? Someone take a picture-'

'Shut it, scumbags.' Everyone turned to Xanxus. 'Answer my fucking question, why are you here?'

A long silence followed. _Why **were** they all here?_

'Shishi, I've been wondering the same thing boss. We're the Varia right? Aren't we the type to suck up to you when you're all powerful n' stuff but secretly plot to kill you as soon as you're useless? Like now...we should be taking this chance to overthrow you right? Shishi.' Bel pouted his lips questioningly. 'What do you call that? People who pretend to be friends but really wanna kill each other?'

'Frenemies?' asked Fran.

'Stop making up words stupid frog!' STAB. 'But whatever, boss I'll answer your question (_because I'm a prince_). If you die, that'll leave our long-haired dumbass commander in charge...and I prefer you boss. Shishishishi.' He gave a big grin and looked at Mammon.

'Well boss can't die yet because he still owes me money,' he answered shortly. 'Besides, you dragged me and Fran along.'

'Shishi, that's true. Anyways, what about you commander Squalo? I thought you'd be the first to want boss dead, you're the second in command after all...' asked Bel with his signature evil smile.

'I...what?' The sudden question caught Squalo off guard completely. He'd rather die than admit his true feelings (in front of Xanxus himself especially), that's a shitload of blackmail information in dangerous hands.

'Voi...I...er...I lo-, I mean...uh -'

Fran cut in.

'Sempai, I know why dumbass-commander wants boss alive.'

'Eh?' Bel seemed immensely interested in this new source of information and all attention in the room was turned immediately to Fran.

Squalo was panicking, _he knows_, he thought, _how the fuck could he know? Was I that obvious? Voi... I swear I'll kill that shit frog_. He looked desperately around for a means to shut the kid up, to his horror, his boss was also listening intently.

'Squalo-sempai just doesn't wanna be left with us, that's why he wants boss-san to stay alive. He knows he's too weak to deal with us by himself and with boss gone, we'll easily overthrow him,' Fran explained.

'WHAT - I mean... VOI, of course. Who'd want to be in charge of you trash?' Exclaimed Squalo, quickly regaining his composure whilst hiding his immense relief. 'And watch who you're calling weak!'

Meanwhile, Xanxus felt slightly disappointed by this reply but made no comment. The place where Squalo had slapped him was still stinging, he wondered if there was a mark. He also felt extremely annoyed at his inability to move properly, he couldn't even summon the energy to throw the glass of water on his bedside table at his shark. He could only sit and listen to the conversation between his subordinates, they somehow seemed to forget that he was there.

'...but seriously Sempai, I have a feeling you like the boss. After all, it was you who ran around and told everyone that boss was sick and even made Luss cook a special meal for him (_maybe that's why he's taking so long_).' Fran continued to direct his comments at an abashed Squalo.

'Shishi, and also, you can't stop staring at his body...'

His remark was answered by a punch from the silver haired, red faced commander while Xanxus sat there deeply amused. Seeing his shark pissed off was one of the few things that could make him laugh. However his smile was unnoticed during the commotion.

'Hang on, why hasn't anyone asked me anything?' Asked Levi in an indignant voice.

'Shut up Tako, that's freakin' obvious...voi.'

'Yeah, we all know the answer to that, you just want boss to kiss/praise/fuck you right? If you pay me, I'll make an illusion with whatever you want but I don't come cheap because boss might kill me.' Replied Mammon.

'And sharkie might eat you alive,' grinned Bel.

Squalo was saved from yelling by Lussuria's sudden entrance, behind him followed six other Varia henchmen.

'Bossu~ hun, are you hungry?' He asked, holding a tray of food and taking it to Xanxus.

'VOI! Luss, what the heck took you so long?'

'Squ-chan, when cooking, I had the most wonderful idea that we could eat together with boss so he won't have to eat alone! That's why I made a meal for everyone.'

And sure enough, each of them got their share of steak, Squalo only just realized how hungry he was. There was a moment silence while everyone was digging in, the food tasted a lot better than usual.

'What is it boss-hun?' Inquired Lussuria.

'Drink,' he said. His voice sounded unnaturally weak.

'Stupid boss, do you want to die? You're sick, you can't drink,' said Squalo. Xanxus gave him a glare which he returned.

'Ooooh, shishi, look whose worried about boss now.'

'VVOII! I'm not worried about this shit!' Yelled Squalo, lying through his teeth.

'Squalo's right boss, drinking is dangerous in your condition,' remarked Mammon, 'but if you're willing to pay me, that's a different story.'

'Luss-san maybe we should send boss to a hospital, he seems to be really sick.'

'You're right Fran-hun,' said Lussuria, feeling Xanxus' forehead.

'Don't touch me...trash,' he glared.

'That's not what you said when Squalo slapped you shishi.'

Xanxus didn't reply, but the prince was bugging him greatly. He made a mental note to kill the kid after got better.

'I'm tired,' he murmured, mustering the energy to lie back down.

That was the sign to get out and leave him alone. Slowly his team members made their way out, leaving him alone in the darkness.

He hated to accept it but he missed their company as soon as they left. He lay there in the dark, refusing to recognize his feelings, his secret gratitude for their actions as well as his admiration of their loyalty. _Those idiots were actually worried about him_, _and how could he let Squalo get away with slapping him_, he admitted honestly that if anyone else did that...he'd blast them apart without hesitation. He tried to blame this on the fact that he didn't have the strength to blast Squalo apart...that's right, if I could pull out my guns then, I would have blasted that shark into a million pieces.

He sighed, confused thoughts racing through his head and slowly drifted into sleep...

_Heh, I kind of like these scumbags_.

* * *

><p>[<strong>AN]** - Wrote this because I LOVE THE VARIA. That's right they're the most underrated group in khr, I wish Amano would make them stronger.

Btw, I hope Xanxus wasn't too OOC.

Reviews appreciated


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